So, I heard you were busy...

Over the past few years, I have noticed a concerning trend. Everyone everywhere is busy. Age doesn't matter—both young and old are busy. Family size doesn't matter. You could be a singleton or a homeschooling octo-mom. No matter, you're busy, too. And profession most certainly doesn't matter—you could be stuffing burritos by the hour, running the entire company, or retired. Like I said, everyone is busy.

Could it be that "being busy" has lost its meaning?

Busy.

[ˈbizē] adjective, having a great deal to do

Having/have.

[hav] verb, to be obliged or find it necessary to do a specified thing

Great.

[ɡrāt] adjective, an amount considerably above normal or average

Is being busy part of your identity?

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the busiest of them all?

Being "busy" has become a competitive sport. Because everyone says that they are busy, someone is always going to be more busy. (Yes, I know the word is busier, I'm just making a point.)

It's like that hand on top of another hand thing we did as kids on the playground—I have no idea what the point of that game was—other than to be the kid with the hand on top. But as soon as you got your hand on top of the pile of other hands, another kid would smack their hand on top of yours, and on and on it'd go. It was a pointless exercise of being "on top" as it required no skill (perhaps speed?), and no one would ever be on top long, as the game would end as soon as it began.

I think for some of us, the amount of "busy" we are, is the stick by which we measure our self-worth. Perhaps we believe that if we are not busy, it means we don't have anything to do. Maybe we start to wonder what our purpose is.

For others, being busy goes hand-in-hand with social status. It proves that we are important, and we are needed. Maybe we even seem more popular.

Another "I'm busy" enabler is social media. Consider how it programs users to pay homage to how full and interesting every moment of their life is, even when it's not.

I'm needed. Only I can do it. There are just so many things I have to do. I have a really important job. I've got plans with my friends. I'm travelling. I need to work out. I have to go shopping. I'm remodeling my house. My kids have school. We've got this sports tournament. Repeat! Repeat! Repeat!

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When are we going to be done being busy?

It's going to have to be an intentional choice, but we can start by remembering what busy actually means: it is being obligated to do a great number of things. Great, in this context, is defined as being considerably above normal or average.

You might also want to also consider what "normal or average" is (or should be) for you, as well as for your job and household, if applicable. Spoiler alert: "normal or average" shouldn't be unrelenting, unhealthy, unmanageable, unsustainable—nor should it necessarily be based on what is "normal and average" for someone else.

Let me share some practical advice before you go. You can take it or leave it.

1. Get out of the habit of saying you're busy, unless it's true. If your knee-jerk response to "How are you?" is, "I am so busy," please just stop. Everyone is busy, remember? I mean, you could be different... you could be running an orphanage and organizing the annual Christmas parade while learning your 5th language and launching a new business—but somehow, I doubt it. When asked how you've been, state tangible things, like, "I've been in 'mom' mode driving the kids here and there," or "I've been working double shifts at the hospital this week, and I'm pretty pooped out!" Let the listener in on your life a little bit—they might even offer to help out if you let them.
   

2. Recognize when you are overextended or overwhelmed. If you find yourself busy all of the time (or just feeling like you are), then it's time to take stock and reprioritize. You may need to "unbusy" yourself before your body decides to unbusy yourself for you. I'm not suggesting you'll die or anything, but long term stress does take a toll.
   

3. Make time and space to not be busy (so you can be!). The best way to ensure that you have some pockets of free time, is to schedule them. Literally, block free time or rest periods off on your calendar. If you can, block off a few hours 2–3 evenings a week to truly reap the benefits of "not being busy." It's not that you will do nothing, it's just that you can choose to do something or nothing, which is a gift in itself. If you are Jewish or Christian, you can also choose to honor the commandments around Sabbath day.
   

4. Get comfortable with not being busy (yes, that's a thing). I'm not even going to write something worth reading here so that you can practice not being busy right now... how does it feel? ;0)
   

5. Be willing to be busy when it matters. There are times when we have to be willing to be busy and busier. Imagine if the people who survived a terrible storm were too busy chopping up their own wood to help the people whose lives are depending on the search and rescue efforts of volunteers who survived? It isn't always that dramatic, of course... it could be something like "Ralph's going away party" and you are genuinely busy, but you make time to go, and you don't regret having made a little bit of time to visit with Ralph before he moved away. The thing is, I know people who have been too busy to go to a funeral. How awful! Sometimes you just need to be inconvenienced for the greater emotional good of others. Don't worry, doing this from time to time will not make you suddenly beholden to the needs and demands of others. You just need to have a heart.

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Other articles on the topic of being "busy" that you might enjoy reading are as follows:

How Constantly Staying Busy Affects Our Well-Being

When Your Schedule Is Sick: Three Busyness Disorders That Make Us Anxious and Unsatisfied

And while I don't agree with the take in this last one on my list, judge for yourself what feels right and true. Notice that in their study, they found that people who feel busy also feel more important. Blech! Feeling Busy? That Could Be a Good Thing

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Thanks for reading!

This blog was written by a human.